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Goner Message Board / ???? / Old Man Secrets
Posted: Aug 4, 2016 5:39 am
Ya gotta get those steel cut oats. High in fiber, lots of vitamins, lowers your cholesterol, keeps you full for hours. But eating porridge is fucking disgusting and it's August, so here's what you do. You take 1/4 cup of oats and 1 cup of yogurt. Plain old american yogurt, none of this greek bullshit. And buy it in big containers because you're an adult for fuck's sake and you shouldn't be eating your yogurt out of individual serve containers like a schoolchild in who can't even wipe their own ass. Saves money too and you aren't filling up your trash with tiny bullshit containers and foil.

Just before you go to sleep at 9:00 in the evening you scoop the oats into a bowl and put the yogurt on top of it and stir it a little. When the sun comes up those oats will be softer, definitely not mushy but soft enough that you don't feel like you're eating birdseed. You'll still have to chew. Keeps your teeth and jaws strong. Put some fucking berries in there. If you're eating plain yogurt like a real soldier, add some honey or maple syrup.

300-400 calories and keeps you rock solid all morning, and nice and regular all goddamn week.
Posted: Aug 4, 2016 5:59 am
But yogurt's laaaaady food! What would the fellas at the lodge have to say about this?? Next yer gonna be telling us to chase it down with a can of white wine or something?!
Posted: Aug 4, 2016 6:08 am
Look son, when you eat as much meat and drink as much whiskey as I do, you need those probiotics. Otherwise it's nothing but ulcers and heartburn dragging you straight to the fiery gates of hell.
Posted: Aug 5, 2016 2:10 pm
I've tried mixing yogurt and oatmeal a few times, it's definitely good for your insides. It's good to stay in tune with what's going on in the guts. It helps you stay powerful for when you need it, like a multi-day music fest or travelling when you're forced to eat like crap. A few years ago I took my healthy eating from my normal, civilian life and brought it with me to music fests and I've been able to keep on keepin' on. As I get older and suffer more from debaucherous weekends like Gonerfest, I've gone from one healthy meal a day to two and it's helped me cross the finish line and eat gross amounts of BBQ.
Posted: Aug 5, 2016 3:49 pm
I have socks older than Womb Raider .
Posted: Aug 8, 2016 9:17 am
I'll give this a try. But I'm using superior Greek yogurt (I only like plain American yogurt as a topping for a rice dish made with vermin-chelly and consomme. PLus once you've eaten yorgurt in Greece you try your whole life Back in the USA (!) trying to recreate the experience) and I don't plan on going to bed at 9pm. I stay up late because I'M AN ADULT. I usually just eat what you said for breakfast minus the oats, add sliced almond or granola and bananas.

Another great tip for protein: if you like sunflower seeds in your salad, get the roasted UN-salted. They taste just as good and won't make your innards curdle.
Posted: Aug 8, 2016 10:11 am
I got nothing against greek yogurt but the oats have to soak up liquid to get soft and greek yogurt is too thick for that. But I have also done steel cut oats + almond milk + greek yogurt, blueberries, etc. This all came about because I find granola to be either really expensive, really bad for you, or really shitty tasting.
Posted: Aug 9, 2016 5:24 am
try almond / cashew milk. it's creamier.
Posted: Aug 9, 2016 6:22 am
Nix the yogurt. Use plain kefir.
Posted: Aug 9, 2016 1:01 pm
use sperm
Posted: Aug 11, 2016 7:37 am
The Hound says "a man puts yogurt in his oats, I'll rape his fucking corpse."

Posted: Aug 12, 2016 11:04 am
Mark Beef:
use sperm

bazooka joe:
it's creamier.

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