Posted: May 25, 2012 9:21 pm
I went to a transvestite strip club in New Orleans, all messed up on Robotussin. My two buddies walked in, unmolested, but I was grabbed by this slightly chubbie black she-male in a yellow two piece. She took me aside and set me down, facing me and asked me to buy her a drink. I'd never been to a strip club before and didn't know it would cost me ten dollars, so I was like, "what the hell, sure." She pulls the bikini top to the sides and puts my hands on her moobs.
"Do you like that?"
"Yeah. Wow, they feel so real."
"That's cause they are, baby."
"Uh, yeah, I guess..."
The drink comes and she takes it and throws it over her shoulder in one quick motion. She keeps flicking her tongue out, which is pierced. Small talk continues. She puts her hand on my junk and starts massaging it. It's totally soft -because of the cough syrup.
"Baby, you're still not hard."
I decide to come clean, because I don't want to hurt her feelings.
"Dude, look, I drank a lot of cough syrup earlier and it impairs my ability to get hard, total boner poison."
She ignores my explanation, flicks her tongue out with the barbell and licks lips.
"Do you wanna go in the back for a private dance?"
"Look, I really wasn't kidding about the cough syrup. I'm not going to be able to get it up. This is a waste of both of our time."
At this she pushes my hands off her chest, stands up, pissed and walks off. I go and sit with my friends. An actually attractive Latino she-male is doing a pole routine. When she finishes, we get up and leave in search of biological female strippers, and head down Bourbon to the Barely Legal club.
Epilogue: we went to two other clubs after that, staying out til dawn. Even though some chick at one of the clubs did some weird trick where she snapped her thong, exposing her gash, I was not able to get it up that night.