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Goner Message Board / ???? / Titty Bar Stories.
Posted: May 25, 2012 7:32 pm
 
IThe 1st or maybe 2nd time I went to a strip club this dancer was walking around oour table for dollar dances, and I said "ok" and she put her tits in my face and I noticed a band aid on her boob! Later.
I
Posted: May 25, 2012 8:59 pm
 
no titty bar but i do have a band aid story.

back when i was delivery driving i was in the store between runs helping out topping some pizzas. when i was back in my car i noticed the band aid on my finger was missing, and i hoped it fell off when i was washing my hands.

when i got back from my deliveries it turned out a customer had called to complain that he bit into the band aid, but surprisingly he wasnt even that pissed about it and the manager offered him a free pizza so it was no problem.

also luckily the manager was my weed dealer and a good friend of mine so i didnt get in any trouble at work either.

either way i am sure i was tipped more than a dollar and i didnt even have to put my tits in anyones face.

what a country!
Posted: May 25, 2012 9:21 pm
 
I went to a transvestite strip club in New Orleans, all messed up on Robotussin. My two buddies walked in, unmolested, but I was grabbed by this slightly chubbie black she-male in a yellow two piece. She took me aside and set me down, facing me and asked me to buy her a drink. I'd never been to a strip club before and didn't know it would cost me ten dollars, so I was like, "what the hell, sure." She pulls the bikini top to the sides and puts my hands on her moobs.
"Do you like that?"
"Yeah. Wow, they feel so real."
"That's cause they are, baby."
"Uh, yeah, I guess..."
The drink comes and she takes it and throws it over her shoulder in one quick motion. She keeps flicking her tongue out, which is pierced. Small talk continues. She puts her hand on my junk and starts massaging it. It's totally soft -because of the cough syrup.
"Baby, you're still not hard."
I decide to come clean, because I don't want to hurt her feelings.
"Dude, look, I drank a lot of cough syrup earlier and it impairs my ability to get hard, total boner poison."
She ignores my explanation, flicks her tongue out with the barbell and licks lips.
"Do you wanna go in the back for a private dance?"
"Look, I really wasn't kidding about the cough syrup. I'm not going to be able to get it up. This is a waste of both of our time."
At this she pushes my hands off her chest, stands up, pissed and walks off. I go and sit with my friends. An actually attractive Latino she-male is doing a pole routine. When she finishes, we get up and leave in search of biological female strippers, and head down Bourbon to the Barely Legal club.
Epilogue: we went to two other clubs after that, staying out til dawn. Even though some chick at one of the clubs did some weird trick where she snapped her thong, exposing her gash, I was not able to get it up that night.
Posted: May 25, 2012 9:24 pm
 
What a country!
Posted: May 25, 2012 9:43 pm
 
yeah, the dextromethorphan does seem to be a boner killer as i recall. i have heard though for dudes with a hair trigger that it can numb them down to the point they can fuck for hours.
Posted: May 26, 2012 4:40 am
 
It's totally soft -because of the cough syrup.

not because it was a chubby black she male.








what a country!
Posted: May 26, 2012 5:51 am
 
Well, that too.
Posted: May 26, 2012 6:15 am
 
My only night of titty bars involves two on the same night. I experienced the complete, magnificent spectrum.

The first was The Red Carpet in Brunswick, GA. The place was laid back, the girls were beautiful, not in your face, but wonderful to talk to if you wanted their company. The lap dances were super cheap.

The second was some nasty fully-nude truck stop joint. The girls there looked like they were 17... even the one with a prominent C-section scar. Their white trash BFs were huddled in a corner leering and waiting for any inappropriate activities. You had to eat a certain amount of gross breakfast food or put a certain amount of dollars into panties in order to get out of the place with working knee caps.
Posted: May 26, 2012 9:21 am
 
I went to a transvestite strip club in New Orleans, all messed up on Robotussin.

It's hilarious to me that you're trying to qualify that statement.
Posted: May 26, 2012 9:34 am
 
The place was laid back, the girls were beautiful, not in your face, but wonderful to talk to if you wanted their company. The lap dances were super cheap.

I lived in SE PDX for years, with several titty bars within walking distance and tons more everywhere, and I never found one like that, although Club Cabos came close.
Posted: May 26, 2012 5:03 pm
 
When I was 16, me and some buddies fake-id'd our way into Club Playhouse, a strip club that was at Summer and White Station in the 80s. However, we discovered that there was a 3 drink minimum and we only had somewhere around 12 dollars between us. We had to sneak out...it was more difficult getting out than it was getting in.
Posted: May 26, 2012 9:05 pm
 
titty bars are cool, but you this is the spot.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/showgirl-video-las-vegas-3
Posted: May 27, 2012 7:42 am
 
We uses to venture down to the ones in Tijuana quite often when i lived in San Diego. Anything and everything went down in those clubs.
Posted: May 27, 2012 1:17 pm
 
Jerry, did you ever see a donkey fuck a dog in Tijuana.
Posted: May 27, 2012 4:08 pm
 
I lived in SE PDX for years, with several titty bars within walking distance and tons more everywhere, and I never found one like that, although Club Cabos came close.

Did you ever frequent Dino's?

I took an out of town friend there as part of a Tour of Portland. Some gal with a giant C-section scar and bruises was going thru the motions. We were sitting far from the rack at a booth. Even so, her boyfriend/pimp walks up to every customer, slams his fist on their table and in his heaviest Russian accent... "No Greenery. No Scenery".

I am pretty sure that guy had killed someone in the past, probably while in prison.
Posted: May 27, 2012 4:27 pm
 
Jerry, did you ever see a donkey fuck a dog in Tijuana.

If by "donkey" you mean "fat lady " and "dog" you mean "dog" ... then yes.
Posted: May 27, 2012 4:37 pm
 
What a country!
Posted: May 27, 2012 5:01 pm
 
There was some low rent bar in PDX that the strippers had to hop off stage and put money in the juke box to dance too. Amazingly bad.
Posted: May 27, 2012 6:01 pm
 
SAMBEAUX,
NICE STUFF,
next thread should be called
[i]Robo Stories
[i]SIPPIN ON PURPLE DRANK DOWN SOUTH!
Posted: May 28, 2012 12:10 pm
 
naked ladies rule!
Posted: May 28, 2012 4:54 pm
 
Fuck Yeah! Rippin' off the Deuce riff!
Posted: May 28, 2012 4:58 pm
 
There was some low rent bar in PDX that the strippers had to hop off stage and put money in the juke box to dance too. Amazingly bad.

Magic Gardens? Amazingly awesome!
Posted: May 28, 2012 6:56 pm
 
There was some low rent bar in PDX that the strippers had to hop off stage and put money in the juke box to dance too. Amazingly bad.

Hawthorne Strip/Dino's is like this too.
Posted: May 28, 2012 8:04 pm
 
my old band played at a strip club in west allis wisconsin. we were the first band of the first show ever at the place, so we really didn't know what to expect. basically the owner guy told us if we wanted the girls to dance while we played, we'd have to negotiate a rate. it was kinda awkward, but i think we offered them a certain amount for each 15 minutes they'd dance? i can't remember how much it was. this was kind of a crummy bar and it was really hard to choose the dancers, i think we went with "the ugly one," "the black one," and "the young one." it was pretty surreal experience, watching dancers at the same stage level as us trying to figure out how to strip to a catholic boys song.
Posted: May 28, 2012 9:59 pm
 
Posted: May 29, 2012 12:26 am
 
There was some low rent bar in PDX that the strippers had to hop off stage and put money in the juke box to dance too. Amazingly bad.


Unless there's a DJ, they all do that. Don't they?
Posted: May 29, 2012 6:12 am | Edited by: tigerblinds
 
Well I went to PT's for the lunch special on a Thursday one time...it was all you could eat buffett for five dollars....he immediately went to the stage and started sticking dollar bills in his mouth...I went straight to the food and loaded it up with high fatty carbs. I sat down at a table about three feet from the food table, and the bouncer comes up to me and says "why don't you move closer to the stage, food and titties, get the idea?" and I said, "uh no thanks I'm alright"....so anyway my roommate sits at the stage while I eat....finaly I finish up and go closer to the stage but he's no where to be found. I sit there for 3 minutes and he briskly walks right past me, next thing I know a stripper walks briskly past me....next thing I know the stripper sits down with me with a stack of napkins in her hand....he comes back with his plate and without talking starts to chow down...I say real loud, you look like a man who just shot his load and smack him on the back. They laugh nervously...she says "I brought these for you" handing the napkins over to him....he says "thanks I got it already".....

Yeah five minutes into the lap dance he shot his load. I left the club having spent 5 dollars on a pretty damn good lunch...beat the hell out of McDonalds. I made plans with the stripper to meet her at a bar that night but I stood her up.

The End.
Posted: May 29, 2012 7:09 am
 
A few years ago my two brothers John and Peace (yes, Mom was a hippie) came out west from Indiana. We met up with a firefighter friend of theirs who lives near Sacramento and off we went to party in SF. We ended up at a strip club on Broadway where Peace got a lap dance and we had nice loud drunk conversations (most likely about the girls). Turns out John unknowingly sat on his phone and butt-dialed his wife's preset number back in Indiana, so the line was open the entire time we were in there. Oops!

They're divorced now though I don't think it was because of that.
Posted: May 29, 2012 11:09 am
 
years back, a friend & i went to a club where (like for all games) that night's cleveland cavs ticket got you free admission.

we were obliterated on ecstasy and it must have shown. i figured that out when a heart-of-gold stripper bent down between the two of us, looked us in the eyes with a very concerned expression, while a couple other strippers observed, and asked...

"which one of you is driving"?

meh. we made it home fine.
Posted: May 29, 2012 8:29 pm
 
I took a pack of 6, visiting, hotsy-totsy lesbians to our Devil's Point one night...they must've blown 500+ bills there. One actually got away with taking cell phone pics of the naked dancers. I lost count of the tequila shots put in front of me...I do remember leading a boisterous rap-along to NWA's Gangsta Gangsta...but had no recollection of the girl that crept up behind my chair while the stripper was giving me some "attention", and was slobbering on my neck. I guess there were bets on who would turn me out...*sigh*...it didn't happen. The drive (yeah, behind the wheel was riiiight where I needed to be) back to their hotel was a shit-faced but detailed, macho-lesbo bragging party about who laid the best strap-on pipe. I made it home alive and un-penetrated. Not the accomplished (The Hangover-esque) debauchery you dudes have lived to tell about...but not bad for a random day in the boring life of an ol' Mom like me. Not sure I've laughed that hard since...
Posted: May 30, 2012 11:22 am
 
We walked into the wrong color strip bar on 8 Mile in Detroit. Some are pretty much for black folks only. Got the hairy eyeball and sent our white asses skeedadlin' right quick but not before I saw a dancer flick someone's Bic with her booty. Impressive but not worth a beat down.
Posted: May 30, 2012 12:03 pm
 
I took a pack of 6, visiting, hotsy-totsy lesbians to our Devil's Point one night...

I was never cool enough for that place.
Posted: May 30, 2012 12:43 pm
 
"There was some low rent bar in PDX that the strippers had to hop off of stage and put money in the juke box to dance too. Amazingly bad."

Portlandoids,is Union Jack's still around? I don't think they had a juke box but there was a time where they had shows! I saw several there while this was going on,nekkid ladies in that clubs' mirror and neon Blade Runner ambience bumpin' and grindin' to the live music.

Probably the best show i saw there was when the Real Pills (and Lopez!) played on New Years Eve! Things were going good until a little past midnight,which was when a small group of Riot Cops w/ sheilds,armor,and night sticks showed up in a Post-WTO/Pre-9-11 search for "Anarchists". Finding only Alcoholics,they soon left and activities resumed.

My lady and i left to go to an after hours party so we missed when the car drove through the front entrance of the bar! But we heard about it the next day.
Posted: May 30, 2012 1:50 pm
 
I played shows at Union Jacks and Devil's Point. Highly overrated experience. The strippers fucking hate it as you are basically taking money out of their pockets. The regulars just look disinterested and confused. Come to think of it, that's how everyone always looks.
Posted: May 30, 2012 2:27 pm
 
we missed when the car drove through the front entrance of the bar! But we heard about it the next day.

Speaking of cars driving through things...
Posted: May 30, 2012 2:41 pm
 
I have never been to a titty bar....one of you perverts should take me during GF 9.
Posted: May 30, 2012 2:54 pm
 
The memphis shake joints suck now.
Posted: May 30, 2012 3:32 pm
 
Isn't that why Platinum got shut down?
Posted: May 30, 2012 6:22 pm
 
One time I huffed some Jenkum and bit off the face of a stripper zombie in Florida!
Posted: May 30, 2012 9:39 pm
 
Once, I got a 2:12 lap dance from an avarisious, and white, blue-eyed, slightly overweight, non-t00-brite/5'2" FEmale. She had foot-order. Later.


I.
Posted: May 30, 2012 10:07 pm | Edited by: Thee Gilded Chimera
 
Posted: May 26, 2012 2:21 am Quote
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------
I went to a transvestite strip club in New Orleans, all messed up on Robotussin. My two buddies walked in, unmolested, but I was grabbed by this slightly chubbie black she-male in a yellow two. .. . "


Your ability to recall shit is really good. Or are you embelishing?

Saying you're going to fuck anything is the most risk-free threat one can make if you're fucked up on enuff cough syrup, corn syrup,fing, morning glory seed ingesting, auto-erotic assphichiation,(already have the AIDS )nk you Mr. Hutchens, holding your own breathe until you become cyanotic, take a bath with the radio on. . . . .


Don't go to titty bars anymore under my own volition.Unless it's the 22nd Ave Station.
.
Posted: May 30, 2012 11:36 pm | Edited by: Thee Gilded Chimera
 
avarisious


avaricious, I meant. everything else I've typed is rock solid.
Posted: May 31, 2012 7:27 am
 
I played shows at Union Jacks and Devil's Point. Highly overrated experience. The strippers fucking hate it as you are basically taking money out of their pockets. The regulars just look disinterested and confused. Come to think of it, that's how everyone always looks.

Doc's on SE Powell, later the Safari, now ???, had tribute bands all the time.
Just one of the many titty bars in my old neighborhood.

Yeah, bands piss everyone off.
Posted: May 31, 2012 8:22 am
 
Never played a show in one. Back to lurking...
Posted: May 31, 2012 12:54 pm
 
Played one in NoPo, can't remember the name of it, but it was biker hell and the dancers were scary bad meth muffins.
Posted: May 31, 2012 1:13 pm
 
but it was biker hell and the dancers were scary bad meth muffins.

sounds like the perfect recipe for a cuddle puddle!
Posted: May 31, 2012 1:30 pm
 
can't remember the name of it

Bray!
Posted: May 31, 2012 6:22 pm
 
Your ability to recall shit is really good. Or are you embelishing?

Nope, but that's pretty much all I can remember. After that was all a haze, except the snappy thong thang. I tried to pay real close attention and remember as much as possible because I knew it was a very special evening.

My tussin trips are always especially memorable, like the time I saw Buzzoven with Joe T. I will NEVER forget the sound of Dixie Dave's bass.
Posted: Jun 4, 2012 10:54 am
 
where to even start on this one? heheh. while i have never worked in one, i've had a few roommates who did. shenanigans ensued. not posting about it on the internet. hahah. other times, i've just been in them, totally shitfaced, throwing ones at strippers because i think pole tricks look awesome and they're actually hard to do. (i can't do them. i've tried. a derby friend of mine had a pole in her house and i think i about busted my head open a few times trying to do that shit and there's just no way. i'd be a very unsexy stripper.)
Posted: Jun 4, 2012 4:47 pm
 
Petey has a solid one from Magic Gardens, but I'll let him tell it...
Posted: Jun 6, 2012 5:02 am
 
A friend of mine and I paid a weekday-daylight stripjoint visit to this cozy little piece of shit in Oklahoma City: walked in, we were the only bastards in there. We ordered a pitcher and two bowls of chilli, and sat just far back enough from the stage to communicate, "We are not going to support this shitbox one dollar at a time just because we're the only cunts up in this motherfucker"; but not so far back as to appear overtly hostile.

Possibly because we were the sole focus of the tittyshakers' come-hither sneers, throughout the meal of no-doubt-canned chilli, I started feeling like maybe I should tip at least one girl.

Once I'd finished my chilli, I got up and approached the stage: I stood there holding a buck but the dancer didn't approach or even really acknowledge, whereupon I looked up closely at her face and noticed that she was crying.

We split.
Posted: Jun 6, 2012 5:53 am
 
Bray!

My friend and I stopped at Roosters on an afternoon tour of North Portland strip clubs. It was, as Sunnyside says, meth-addled and hilarious. C-section scars, bloody noses and a few "ladies" soliciting blow jobs. Good times!
Posted: Jun 6, 2012 6:22 am
 
i went into a booth at the Lusty Lady in SF (where you put a quarter into a slot and the window opens to see the dancers) and immediately spied my best friend's girlfriend -- it was weird and i ran away / i also met the Grabbies while leaving that joint (i had a friend who worked the mop who introduced us) it is not good etiquette to offer to shake hands when meeting someone at the Lusty Lady
Posted: Jun 6, 2012 9:26 am
 
i went into a booth at the Lusty Lady in SF (where you put a quarter into a slot and the window opens to see the dancers) and immediately spied my best friend's girlfriend -- it was weird and i ran away

Ha! I had the same thing happen there, but with a girl a friend tried to set me up with a couple months prior! Awkward...
Posted: Jun 9, 2012 4:26 am
 
Considering I'm currently in Thailand, I have yet to accumulate any decent titty bar stories. Although I did crack one off earlier today on the beach. There was a topless femme not too far away sunning up, and I wouldn't've been able to relax otherwise. Gonna rescue an orphan tomorrow to balance things out.

I guess that's a titty story.
Posted: Jul 6, 2012 3:43 am
 
Mid 90's, during a country teasers/ oblivians sound check in Paris, me and Jack O sneaked out to Theatre Lolita to take in a show (about 25 for 24 hours membership). the first time in, we sat at the back of the theatre and noticed 4 professional spectators in the front row. Real french dirty old men. A skinny girl was tottering about in a tutu barely comatose, so they had to send a big black guy on stage to bang her until her eyelids opened.
We went out, finished the sound check then returned. Obviously to the front row next to the same 4 dirty old men. A naked girl came to the front of the stage and sat, legs akimbo, with her growler 12 inches fron Jacks nose. The old men foamed at the mouth and Jacks quiff sunk. She invited us next door for a private chat, but we didnt have any cash left. Not even $20, not even 22
Posted: Jul 6, 2012 5:50 am
 
i'm dj'ing a titty bar in harrisburg on the 24th. i hope to bring a story back here.
Posted: Jul 6, 2012 5:52 am
 
muddy is nutty! and nutting!

woohoo!
Posted: Jul 6, 2012 10:16 am
 
the best titty bar in Tucson AZ is owned by a dragonlady by the name of Bing Bing. The stripper pole is galvanized conduit. The strippers are all free lance (whoever wanders in off the street - last time it was two early twentysomethings who were sharing a full set of teeth). Bands play there sometimes (punk/hardcore/metal/bbq rock) and it is heaven.

Snippet of conversation between Bing Bing and one of the girls

girl "It's cold in here. Can you turn up the heat?"
Bing Bing " If you was shaking yo ass up on stage, instead of drinking cold beer down here you not be cold."
Posted: Jul 9, 2012 11:54 am
 
I CANNOT BELIEVE RITCHIE POSTED ON THE GONER BOARD!
Posted: Jul 9, 2012 6:00 pm
 
(what's up, Ritchie!)
Posted: Jul 10, 2012 4:20 am | Edited by: dustymedical
 
our drummer projectile vomited a shot of whiskey onto a stripper at Mary's in Portland once. she was cool with it once she realized it wasn't... something else. He did not get thrown out.
Posted: Jul 10, 2012 6:02 am
 
Strippers, always cool with being vomited on.
Posted: Jul 11, 2012 11:09 am
 
It was the 80's and I was hitchiking through Indiana to get back to Michigan. Around Indianapolis some guy with long straggly biker type blond hair picked me up in a Chevette or Pinto or something like that.

There was a McDonald's styrofoam clamshell sitting on the dash so I went to move it down so I didn't knock it over. The guy said "careful! check it out, open it!". I peeked in there and there was a HUGE brown spider. The guys immediately started cracking up, told me he was on his way to a stripper bar, he was going to put the spider on the bar, see what happened when the girls saw it, and did I want to come along and check it out.

I didn't want to get stuck somewhere in Indianoplace, so I said "sure" in the hopes the guy would give me a further ride after the hijinks were over. We pulled up in Nowhere, Indianoplace and he did a hefty slug of bourbon in the parking lot. Did not offer me any. We burned a reefer of ditch weed and went in with the spider.

The girls were typical KY refugees but at least they were all skinny. He put the spider on the bar and it immediately started crawling --- fast --- toward this one girl doing the splilts. She started shrieking, got up and hopped off the bar. Guy & his buddies cracked up. He plopped the clamshell back on the spider and scooped it up.

Eventually he gave me a ride to the other side of town, still chuckling all the way. I asked him if that meant he'd be 86'd, he said 'aw hell no, them girls love me there'.
Posted: Jul 11, 2012 12:43 pm
 
our drummer projectile vomited a shot of whiskey onto a stripper at Mary's in Portland once. she was cool with it once she realized it wasn't... something else. He did not get thrown out.


i can not figure out what is was that she could have thought it to be to make her okay with being projectile vomited onto
Posted: Jul 11, 2012 1:10 pm
 
she was cool with projectile vomit whiskey, she wouldn't have been cool with projectile vomit peanut butter sandwich...food allergies
Posted: Jul 11, 2012 2:03 pm
 
our drummer projectile vomited a shot of whiskey onto a stripper at Mary's in Portland once. she was cool with it once she realized it wasn't... something else. He did not get thrown out.


i can not figure out what is was that she could have thought it to be to make her okay with being projectile vomited onto


IT RHYMES WITH UMM?
Posted: Jul 11, 2012 2:42 pm
 
she thought he was projectile vomiting cum onto her?
Posted: Jul 12, 2012 9:22 am | Edited by: dustymedical
 
no, rum

pervert
Posted: Jul 12, 2012 12:05 pm
 
vomiting cum

Rod Stewart was playing drums for your band?!?
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